Friday, April 1, 2016

Invincible Coffee: The Next Evolution of Joe

Warning -- Satire -- old April Fools post!

You've heard of Bulletproof Coffee, that mixture of coffee and butter that keeps you lean and supercharges your mental focus.

The problem with Bulletproof Coffee is that the butter forms a greasy oil slick on top of your coffee.  Yuck!  Is there any way to rescue Bulletproof Coffee?

Enter Invincible Coffee, the next evolution of Joe.

Invincible Coffee relies on a scientific breakthrough food that has all the nutritional qualities of butter, but disperses evenly into coffee without forming an oil slick on top.  It's called "cream".

Cream is made of millions of tiny droplets of butter.  Fact: cream is 90 percent butter by dry weight.  And half of the rest is protein!

Check out this magnified view of the tiny butter droplets suspended in cream:

Image credit: Dave Walker.
Did you know that coffee can contain the dangerous chemical dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO)?  In fact, testing indicates that a cup of Bulletproof Coffee is more than 99 percent DHMO!  Do you really want to put chemicals into your body?  Think about it.

Invincible Coffee, simply stated, is the scientific marriage of high-quality toxin-free coffee and cream.  No blending, no mixing, no oil slicks.  Just pure, nutritious, brain-stimulating, fat-burning superfoods.  Move over Bulletproof Coffee, the next evolutionary step has arrived.

For a limited time only, I'll be selling Invincible Coffee Starter Packs, each containing ingredients for three cups of coffee, for $57.99 in my April Fools Store.


g-mo said...

Best 4/1 blog post so far

psychic24 said...

You are just the absolute best, Stephan =)

Ivan Mazur said...


Joyce said...

Simply amazing!! My husband will be thrilled he can stop eating those Kerrygold wrappers -- they're a real downer in the morning. So glad this issue is finally getting some attention from the research community!


thhq said...

And they throw in the facial hair for free? Get out!

JJ Bell said...

Realise this is in jest but might be worth pointing out the purported health benefit of cream compared to butter (apart from stress reducing ability to actually mix with coffee) in that it contains phospholipids which amongst other things are apparently cancer preventing and good for the brain!

TheRosenfeltc said...

I went to the link provided but I don't see how I'm supposed to order my starter pack :)

Brent Holm said...

about time!

Stephen How said...

Now you need to team up with 5 - 20 other PhDs who will all swear how cream in their coffee cured their glaucoma, vertigo, appendicitis, and beriberi. Boil down the obesity epidemic to black coffee, or using the wrong creamer. Book title: The Creamer Cure.

niklinna said...

Fact! Butter is a highly processed food "product". Best to go with the less-processed cream.

PS: Keep the beard! Looks very good on you.

BigWhiskey said...

pasteurized but not homogenized, right?

BigWhiskey said...

Pasteurized but not homogenized, right?

Karen said...

I expect an Invincible Coffee Summit ( free) by the summer. ;)

Diane @ Balanced Bites said...


Diane @ Balanced Bites said...


CarrollJ16 said...

Love it!. Seriously, coffee with cream is the best

Bob said...

New book - Coffee Clarity :)

Charles Henry Stewart said...

Hi all,
I just had my first shipment of invincible coffee arrive this morning. All I can say is that this is the REAL DEAL. I tried bulletproof coffee before, and it always made me feel a bit nauseas, probably due to the DHMO content. Invincible coffee (TM) supercharged my performance, gave me access to my unconscious neural processing, and has already led to substantial fat loss in the 3 hours since I drank it.

Ari Whitten said...


I love it, Stephan!

- Ari

Ned said...

Very nice. I was with you right up till 99% DHMO. ;}

ScottMGS said...

Now if only someone could come up with a version that didn't require coffee!

Simon Whyatt said...

You forgot to reference to 100 different studies at the bottom of the article to do with cream. Doesn't matter if the studies are the effects of shaving cream on rodent skin, just as long as there are a big list of studies, no one will read them anyway!

Aaron Blaisdell said...

At AHS16 we will be holding a taste test: Bulletproof coffee versus Invincible coffee. Be sure to stop by and give enter your ratings!

mcmanimal1 said...

But cream is too novel we all need to blend our hot coffee with magical ingredients... haha

Michael Pope said...

Brilliant!!!! I knew there was a connection between butter and cream but wow so simple. Science rocks.

thhq said...

Have you thought about offering a vegan-friendly version using Coffee Mate? Or a world-friendly version using International Delight? These would be much more rewarding. Sales would skyrocket.

LeonRover said...

Hi Stephan

I resisted reading this post until start of UK tax year!

So pleased that the answer was the obvious French/Italian one.

My last 2 espressi of the morning are with grass fed Irish creme.


Thorgal Aegirsson said...


Well, I guess you'd have to rename it "Invisible Coffee" ;)

Thorgal Aegirsson said...

This reminds me: I tried BP coffee once ... I felt pretty nauseated soon after.

denis demonte said...

Haha god bless Dave but this is amusing, he's a good marketer though, and I still love my 'bulletproof coffee' Cream is good too, though.. but I get way more bang for the buck with kerrygold and probably more of the yellowy goodness plus it's easy to clarify and get rid of possibly irritating proteins/sugars(even if they're minimal they could still illicit an immune response in individuals).

Abigail Cohen said...

Well said, this is just awesome! Great stuff, Stephan!

Rohan Manoharan said...

Arrrgh! What an idiot! I even clicked the link! Ricked!

karl said...


Time to post about:

Re-evaluation of the traditional diet-heart hypothesis: analysis of recovered data from Minnesota Coronary Experiment (1968-73) ( seems like a bunch of bovine excreta started here )

Could be that it is time to revisit LA - I think you walked back - I'm guessing you were thinking it was all about LA -> AA etc. The problem is that biology has so many levels - I seriously don't think it is possible for humans to understand the maze of feedback loops -- likely to mislead, so I appreciate your caution.

I think it is fair to say that concentrated oils are not healthy human food and cholesterol numbers should not be used as end points. ( death from all causes seems a bit more important ).

BTW - Pass the butter - I want to put some on my cheese..

thhq said...

Interesting @karl. It looks like fat type (sat vs linoleic) makes no difference on CVD events. From this it appears that corn oil isn't some health panacea because it lowers cholesterol, but it's not poisonous either. Looks like a wash over the ca 5 year period of the study. Both control and intervention high linolenic diets appear to be relatively low fat - ca 22% of total calories.

Though this is a huge study, it is limited to non-representative populations, in mental hospitals and a nursing home. So it's not exactly free-living conditions. It doesn't explain to me why Keys lived to 100 and McGovern to 90. They both had their hands in this, but obviously weren't eating these USDA rations or living in confinement.

The corn farmers and processors appear to be the major beneficiaries of this crusade.

thhq said...

@karl longevity is multifactorial. Diet plays some part in it but it's not the only thing. Because UMinn has been a hub of nutrition research for years, it's interesting to me to see whether this might have an effect on Minnesotans. Apparently it has, due to better compliance with CVD guidelines than the nation at large.

Minnesota has the second highest longevity among US states at 81. I think it's awareness more than it is corn oil vs butter. They eat lots of both, along with their Spam and General Mills, but they know what they're doing.

Marlon said...

Does that come with standing work station and limited supply of willpower

karl said...

@ thhq said..
" It looks like fat type (sat vs linoleic) makes no difference on CVD events."

I suspect that LA(8:2 ω-6 linoleic acid) probably does increase CAD. LA increases oxLDL - the bit that triggers the immune reaction that ends up forming foam cells. In a few years, I suspect that the medical community will start saying that LA increases CAD. Later, they will say it was obvious..

You should try reading to paper without having a goal of seeing it in any particular way. It says what is says. They could be wrong - lots of bad papers are out there, but I think this explains the discrepancy between many other papers about LA exposure. Clearly, Keys cooked the science at times. This technique is called 'selection bias'. I call it 'cherry picking'.

BMJ - Nina Teicholz

How long Keys and McGovern lived is what is called anecdotal evidence - not helpful for people seeking truths.

Seeing cause and effect with exposure to concentrated LA is difficult - it has a very long half-life (over 660 days by one claim). It could take a couple of years on a low(1960 level)LA diet to start having effects.

There is a way (NMR) to see the LA content of ones body fat - important as it is an objective measure (quite different than diet surveys). One could look for correlations with different health problems - obesity, CAD, thyroid, depression/anxiety, etc.. No big ticket drug money - big-ag will try to block grants - so it might be awhile before such studies happen.

thhq said...

@karl the longevities of Atkins and Pritikin are anecdotal as well, but based on their results I'm not inclined to use their diets. Bad cherries.

I also expanded my orchard to include all of Minnesota.

thhq said...

The writers of popular science narratives show their bias when they claim cherry picking all the time. Focusing on understanding what happens at the statistical limits is an effective way of making discoveries. I often did it as a working research scientist over 40 years. Now I'm doing it to try and understand longevity, so that I can move in the direction of the limits.

Just as McGovern, Blackburn, Keys and the general population of Minnesota represent the upper 2-3 sigma limits of longevity, Pritikin and Atkins represent dead center average. What they both did in accentuating macronutrient extremes is not something that I'm interested in doing. I'm no special snowflake and would likely get a similar result. There's much more to be gained by following the first group for living a long healthy life.

Based on the above study results I've sorted corn oil vs animal fat in the same way. Shifting fat type is the sort of thing that might affect 15 minutes in your lifespan. The health benefit in reducing LDL by consuming corn oil appears to be overstated. But so what? At best all that did was to make sat fat and veg fat equal. Worrying about which oil goes in your mouth raises cortisol and blood pressure, offsetting any trivial macronutrient shift benefits.

I think that Teicholz and Taubes have made the obesity crisis worse. When they publish "fat will not make you fat", without being very up front about the HFLC weight loss diet context, they encourage the eating of more fatty snacks. They've cherry-picked away healthy habits like exercise and reduced eating, and left us with cherry pits. They papered it over with thousands of pages of "science" gleaned from old college biochemistry books and google searches.

Atkins Diet for life will get Atkins' results. Anyone can do better than that.

thhq said...

I like to use the Framingham calculator to test "what if" scenaros for CVD risk. Yesterday I found a similar longevity calculator

This is multifactorial, and not a lot different from the patient health survey you fill out in a doctor's office. I have not dug into what underlies it. But it projects my life expectancy to be within a year of my father, and as such it was interesting to me to run a "what if" for changing myself to a HFLC/Atkins diet: drop the carbs, eat maximum red meat, and quit exercising. This reduced my life expectancy by 3 years.

thhq said...

Sorry to drift so far off topic, but I've been running a lot of "what ifs" using Dr. Perls model. The basis is Boston University's centenarian study. What I've done so far:

-My lifetime is projected at 90 years, 2 years longer than my father's actual lifetime.
-If I were to change to sedentary Atkins/HFLC dieting and maintain all my other health parameters, my lifetime would be shortened by 3 years.
-Using the published information I have for Dr. Atkins, a 73 year lifetime is projected. Atkins lived to be 72.
-Using all the published and unpublished information I have for Ancel Keys, a 99 year lifetime is projected. Keys lived to be 100.

There are also suggestions for longevity-increasing strategies based on your health survey responses. Flossing every day could add six months to my lifetime, for instance.

Sean St. Jean said...

I had a (kind of) serious question for you Stephan:

You spoke about trying Seth Robert's Shangri-la protocol and that you noticed that your appetite was somewhat suppressed. I wonder if the consumption of butter and caprylic acid might have a similar effect.

I know that this doesn't jive with Serth's theory about unpairing taste stimuli with calorie intake as Bulletproof coffee is pretty tasty. But then, I have always been suspect of Seths explanatory theory anyway. What if there is some other mechanism shared between both protocols that produces a reduction in voluntary calorie consumption?

Jonathan Smith said...

I've tried half and half and it's not the same. I feel like crap compared to coconut oil and/or gf-butter.

Robert Andrew Brown said...

^ thhq said "It doesn't explain to me why Keys lived to 100 and McGovern to 90. They both had their hands in this, but obviously weren't eating these USDA rations or living in confinement."

Is the answer here somewhere? - and a retirement home in the Naples area(Italy) ?


" And he finds time for safe, useful exercise. "Margaret and I get lots of pleasure from working in our yard. We just started the olive harvest. We have 80 olive trees and 75 citrus trees. We have oranges, tangerines, apricots, pears -- lots of pears -- plums, and four apple trees that produced only one apple so far.""

"Also we have kumquats and chinotto. You probably don't know about chinotto. It's a citrus fruit, redder than most tangerines, and it grows on a beautiful tree. Produces lots of wonderful fruit for marmalade."

and his book was called

"How to eat well and stay well the Mediterranean way Hardcover – 1975
by Ancel Benjamin Keys (Author)"

Is that a cheese on the front cover?