Warning -- Satire -- April Fools Post
I have a sheepish confession to make: until recently, I had a tapeworm, and that's why I'm lean.
In 2006, I took a trip to Mexico with a few friends. We often traveled through rural areas, and of course sampled the local cuisine wherever we went. In many parts of Mexico, pork is an important food. Some of it may have been a bit undercooked.
At the time, my interest in food and health was growing, and I was making many changes to my diet. I was glad to see the chubbiness around my neck and waist begin to disappear. The diet was working! Or so I thought...
Showing posts with label April fool's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label April fool's. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
New Position with Nestlé
Warning -- Satire -- April Fool's Post
I'm happy to announce that I've accepted a Product Research and Development position with Nestlé Foods. Nestlé is known for its skillful application of 'neuromarketing'-- using neuroscience to enhance product development and sales-- and the company recruited me for my background in neuroscience and food reward.
As Whole Health Source readers know well, food reward has a major impact on food selection and consumption, and therefore it has huge potential as a product development strategy. Although product development by the food industry has always relied to some extent on a basic understanding of food reward, corporations still lag far behind the cutting edge of food reward research, and they are therefore missing out on a major opportunity to drive repeat purchase and consumption behavior and increase total sale volume. I plan to leverage science-corporate synergy to develop food product solutions that people LOVE*.
Even more exciting, Nestlé has asked me to lead a strategic partnership initiative with Coca-Cola to utilize neuromarketing to tailor beverage product development specifically for children, who have a somewhat different set of reward criteria than adults. We're excited to develop product solutions that kids LOVE* even more than current offerings, by scientifically designing new combinations of flavors, sweeteners, and totally safe habit-forming drugs such as caffeine.
Both companies have been very responsive to my nutritional concerns about processed foods, and so we're working together to make healthier products. Here are some of the changes we're discussing:
April Fools!!!!!!
* Learned Obedience Via Eating
I'm happy to announce that I've accepted a Product Research and Development position with Nestlé Foods. Nestlé is known for its skillful application of 'neuromarketing'-- using neuroscience to enhance product development and sales-- and the company recruited me for my background in neuroscience and food reward.
As Whole Health Source readers know well, food reward has a major impact on food selection and consumption, and therefore it has huge potential as a product development strategy. Although product development by the food industry has always relied to some extent on a basic understanding of food reward, corporations still lag far behind the cutting edge of food reward research, and they are therefore missing out on a major opportunity to drive repeat purchase and consumption behavior and increase total sale volume. I plan to leverage science-corporate synergy to develop food product solutions that people LOVE*.
Even more exciting, Nestlé has asked me to lead a strategic partnership initiative with Coca-Cola to utilize neuromarketing to tailor beverage product development specifically for children, who have a somewhat different set of reward criteria than adults. We're excited to develop product solutions that kids LOVE* even more than current offerings, by scientifically designing new combinations of flavors, sweeteners, and totally safe habit-forming drugs such as caffeine.
Both companies have been very responsive to my nutritional concerns about processed foods, and so we're working together to make healthier products. Here are some of the changes we're discussing:
- Adding vitamin C and cod liver oil to chocolate.
- Replacing a portion (1.7%) of the sugar in beverages with stevia across the board.
- Stealthily decreasing the portion size of beverages. To do this, we'll increase the thickness of the plastic bottles so the exterior of the bottle is the same size, but the actual beverage content is reduced by 0.2 oz.
- Getting these healthy snacks and beverages back into schools where kids can enjoy them!
April Fools!!!!!!
* Learned Obedience Via Eating
Monday, April 1, 2013
Are Animal Crackers Paleo?
Warning -- Satire -- April Fool's Post
Every child loves animal crackers, those sweet and crunchy animal-shaped biscuits. But are they compatible with a Paleo diet? Some people might think they already know the answer, but consider this: our ancestors evolved on the African savanna, eating the plants and animals found there. Inside each box of animal crackers is an assortment of tiny savanna creatures such as giraffes and elephants.
To get to the bottom of this, I interviewed Robert Pearson, CEO of Animal Cracker Products Inc., who explained to me how these crackers are made.
Every child loves animal crackers, those sweet and crunchy animal-shaped biscuits. But are they compatible with a Paleo diet? Some people might think they already know the answer, but consider this: our ancestors evolved on the African savanna, eating the plants and animals found there. Inside each box of animal crackers is an assortment of tiny savanna creatures such as giraffes and elephants.
To get to the bottom of this, I interviewed Robert Pearson, CEO of Animal Cracker Products Inc., who explained to me how these crackers are made.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Eocene Diet
Warning -- Satire -- April Fool's Post
65 million years ago, a massive asteroid slammed into the Yucatan peninsula, creating a giant dust cloud that contributed to the extinction of terrestrial dinosaurs. In the resulting re-adjustment of global ecosystems, a new plant tissue evolved, which paved the way for the eventual appearance of humans: fruit. Fruit represents a finely crafted symbiosis between plants and animals, in which the plant provides a nourishing morsel, and the animal disperses the plant's seeds inside a packet of rich fertilizer.
Fruit was such a powerful selective pressure that mammals quickly evolved to exploit it more effectively, developing adaptations for life in the forest canopy. One result of this was the rapid emergence of primates, carrying physical, digestive and metabolic adaptations for the acquisition and consumption of fruit and leaves. Primates also continued eating insects, a vestige of our early mammalian heritage.
65 million years ago, a massive asteroid slammed into the Yucatan peninsula, creating a giant dust cloud that contributed to the extinction of terrestrial dinosaurs. In the resulting re-adjustment of global ecosystems, a new plant tissue evolved, which paved the way for the eventual appearance of humans: fruit. Fruit represents a finely crafted symbiosis between plants and animals, in which the plant provides a nourishing morsel, and the animal disperses the plant's seeds inside a packet of rich fertilizer.
Fruit was such a powerful selective pressure that mammals quickly evolved to exploit it more effectively, developing adaptations for life in the forest canopy. One result of this was the rapid emergence of primates, carrying physical, digestive and metabolic adaptations for the acquisition and consumption of fruit and leaves. Primates also continued eating insects, a vestige of our early mammalian heritage.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Great New Product
Warning -- Satire -- April Fool's Post
Do you feel sad sometimes? Are you tired when you get up in the morning? Do you get winded running sprint intervals? I've just found a great new product that I think can help. It's called bozolol.
Bozolol is an amazing nutritional supplement extracted from the bozolol berry, harvested wild in the heart of the Amazon rainforest. To the native Ilotaca tribe, the bozolol berry is sacred because it alters the molecules in your brain to make you smarter AND sexier.
Here's how it works: bozolol actually increases the uptake of fat-soluble vitamins from your food, while reducing inflammation in the arteries and helping you shed fat faster than a pork roast! Guaranteed! Learn more about it here.
April fools!
Do you feel sad sometimes? Are you tired when you get up in the morning? Do you get winded running sprint intervals? I've just found a great new product that I think can help. It's called bozolol.
Bozolol is an amazing nutritional supplement extracted from the bozolol berry, harvested wild in the heart of the Amazon rainforest. To the native Ilotaca tribe, the bozolol berry is sacred because it alters the molecules in your brain to make you smarter AND sexier.
Here's how it works: bozolol actually increases the uptake of fat-soluble vitamins from your food, while reducing inflammation in the arteries and helping you shed fat faster than a pork roast! Guaranteed! Learn more about it here.
April fools!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Benefits of Growing Algae in Your Water Filter
Warning -- Satire -- April Fool's Post
One of the factors that's often overlooked in our efforts to replicate the health of non-industrial cultures is water quality. Traditional cultures don't drink sterilized, chlorinated, fluoridated tap water. They drink from natural flowing streams and lakes, complete with their natural minerals, and... algae.
With every gulp, they ingest millions or even billions of tiny green organisms entirely missing from the modern water supply (1).
Fortunately, we can drink algae water too. As a matter of fact, millions of lazy people are doing it right now! All you have to do is buy a clear water filter, use it regularly and leave it in the sun. Over time, you'll develop your very own film of algae that will constantly shed into the water you drink. Here are some of the benefits of algae water:
April fools!
One of the factors that's often overlooked in our efforts to replicate the health of non-industrial cultures is water quality. Traditional cultures don't drink sterilized, chlorinated, fluoridated tap water. They drink from natural flowing streams and lakes, complete with their natural minerals, and... algae.
With every gulp, they ingest millions or even billions of tiny green organisms entirely missing from the modern water supply (1).
Fortunately, we can drink algae water too. As a matter of fact, millions of lazy people are doing it right now! All you have to do is buy a clear water filter, use it regularly and leave it in the sun. Over time, you'll develop your very own film of algae that will constantly shed into the water you drink. Here are some of the benefits of algae water:
- Adds oxygen to the water, increasing your energy on a cellular level!
- Probiotics in every cup
- Algae are full of vitamin K. Who needs spinach!
- Make your own biofuel
April fools!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)